The Top 10 Couples Therapy Myths That Stop You From Getting the Help You Deserve
Couples Therapy in NYC
written by Dr. Alejandra Feliz
Have you found yourself googling “Do we need couples therapy?” If so, you’re not alone. So many couples quietly wrestle with that question, unsure of what therapy actually involves or whether things are “bad enough” to reach out for help. The truth is, couples therapy isn’t just for those on the brink of breaking up. It can be a powerful space for growth, clarity, and deeper connection whether you're navigating conflict, coping after a betrayal, adjusting to big life changes, or simply feeling a little stuck.
Still, there are a lot of myths and misunderstandings that can make therapy feel intimidating. As a couples therapist, I hear these concerns all the time and I want to clear them up for you. In this article, we’ll explore some of the most common myths about couples therapy, and why it might be more helpful than you think.
The Top 10 Myths:
"Couples therapy is only for couples on the verge of breaking up."
→ In reality, therapy can be proactive, not just reactive. Therapy does not have to be something you only seek out in times of crises, although it can certainly be helpful during these times. I see couples therapy as both medicine for acute issues—like getting stuck in recurring conflicts—and as preventative care, like vitamins, helping couples stay healthy and reduce the risk of future problems. Many couples seek support to strengthen connection, improve communication, or prepare for transitions like marriage or parenthood."The therapist will take sides."
→ A skilled couples therapist’s goal is to help both partners feel heard and to listen to each partner without agenda. The goal is not to assign blame or make someone the villain, but to improve understanding of your dynamics and increase your ability to see one another’s POV."Going to therapy means we’ve failed."
→ Going to therapy is not a sign of failure, in fact, seeking therapy is a sign of commitment. It actually shows your openness and willingness to grow and try different things in order to improve your relationship. In couples therapy, you will learn how to build the flexibility to grow and shift and communicate with your partner in a more supportive way."One person is the problem, and therapy will fix them."
→ Relationship dynamics are co-created. Even when one partner brings a more visible issue (e.g., infidelity, anger), therapy explores how both partners contribute to patterns. Relationship issues don’t typically occur in a vacuum, therefore it’s crucial to understand the overall dynamic between the two of you to repair and understand why something happened so that things can be different in the future."Talking about problems will only make things worse."
→ Avoiding issues often makes them worse, although it can feel easier to brush things under the rug in the short term. Bottling things up can turn your relationship into a pressure cooker and can result in breeding resentment, burying unspoken feelings, and leaving you both feeling alone and disconnected. Talking about the hard stuff not only makes difficult conversations more manageable over time, but also helps your partner better understand and respond to your needs."It’s too late—therapy won’t help us now."
→ While earlier intervention can be helpful, it’s a myth that there’s a point of no return. Many couples begin therapy after years of disconnection, resentment, or repeated conflict—and still experience meaningful healing and change. It’s never too late to learn new ways of relating, rebuild trust, and strengthen your connection. Therapy can offer a fresh start, even if things have felt stuck or broken for a long time."We should be able to figure this out on our own."
→ Relationships are complex. Just like we don’t expect ourselves to treat medical issues without doctors, it’s okay to seek expert support for relational challenges. If you’re feeling stuck, it might be time for a new approach with guidance and tools to help you move forward together."Therapy is just talking—it doesn’t actually change anything."
→ Effective couples therapy is more than just talking. Couples therapy is an active process that involves tools, techniques, and intentional practice. While open conversation is important, real change comes from learning and applying new skills that shift how you relate to one another. Therapy helps you break out of stuck patterns, build healthier communication habits, and develop new ways of connecting that feel more supportive, respectful, and attuned."If we love each other, we shouldn’t need therapy."
→ Love and affection are key ingredients in a relationship, but love alone isn’t always enough to navigate the complexities that arise over time. Even the strongest bonds can be strained or weakened by miscommunication, unresolved conflict, or differing needs. Couples therapy helps bridge the gap between love and connection by building practical skills like healthy communication, empathy, emotional regulation, and ways to repair."Couples therapy is only for married or long-term couples."
→ This isn’t true! Any couple, including those dating, engaged, married, separating or those just figuring things out, can benefit from therapy if they want to improve or clarify their relationship. In fact, creating healthy and effective communication habits early on will set you up for long-term success.
Couples therapy isn’t about labeling relationships as good or bad. It’s about helping you understand each other better, communicate more clearly, and feel more connected. Whether you’re navigating a rough patch or just want to keep things running smoothly, there’s no shame in asking for support. Ditch the myths and give your relationship the attention it deserves.
Ready to take the next step? Reach out today to schedule a complimentary consultation and see how couples therapy can support you.
By Dr. Ale Feliz, PsyD
Read more about Dr. Feliz here