5 Ways to Cope with Change (While Taking Care of Your Mental Health!)
Note: Today’s post is written by The Centered Space’s post-doctoral fellow, Alejandra Feliz, PsyD
You’re knee-deep in a pile of spreadsheets, nodding off when your office phone startles you awake. You’ve been at your job for some time, saying “it’s fine,” to your family every year on Thanksgiving when they ask about work. You don’t jump out of bed in the morning, but it pays the bills and it’s what you’re used to. Out of the blue, you get the offer you’ve been waiting for - your dream job! Although an exciting step in your career, you’re suddenly confronted with a tidal wave of change: relocating to a new state, leaving your loved ones behind, and facing a mountain of work. You start to feel traces of uncertainty and doubt creep in.
You feel stressed, alone, and your mind is raging with thoughts of “I’m a failure,” “Was this the wrong choice?” and “I don’t belong here.” You begin to doubt your abilities and skills, constantly questioning if you can handle this change. You feel overwhelmed and retreat into yourself, seldom attending work happy hours or participating in meetings. You feel lost and are unsure of how to move through this difficult time.
Below you’ll find some ways to keep your mental well-being in check as you handle the difficulties that come with big life changes.
Tune in to your thoughts
There’s a strong connection between what we think, feel, and do. If we think “I can’t handle this,” it’s bound to stir up a storm of emotions and influence our actions. Suddenly, packing those moving boxes might feel like an impossible feat and replying to the new boss gets pushed to the back burner. Before we know it, we’re caught in a cycle of self-doubt, making it even harder to move forward.
Our thoughts can be hard to notice, as they often operate in the background as we go about our day. We have spent most of our lives automatically listening to and acting on our thoughts, as if on autopilot. This can be a tricky cycle to break.
The first step involves becoming more aware of your thoughts, whether they’re positive, negative, or somewhere in between. Try keeping a thought record, jotting down your thoughts when you notice them throughout the week.
Once we break out of autopilot mode and increase awareness of our thoughts, we can mindfully choose how to respond to what life throws our way.
Choose what you tune into
Fun fact: we don't have to believe every little thought that pops into our heads! Just because we think it doesn't mean it's true, relevant, or even worth our attention. Think of your thoughts like clouds drifting across the sky. We can pick and choose the ones that brighten our day and ignore the gloomy ones. We can gently observe them as they drift on by without getting caught up in them.
Imagine this – you’re bogged down in negative self-talk, thinking “I’m going to flop at this job.” Before letting that thought consume you, take a step back and consider these tips to figure out which thoughts are worth tuning into.
Put your thought under the microscope. Unfortunately, in this case, neither of us can look into the future and predict what will happen. We don’t know what your future holds! So, why give credence to something that isn’t true?
Consider whether the thought running through your mind is doing you any favors. Will it make you doubt yourself and shy away from sharing your ideas in meetings? If your goal is to succeed, then it might be time to let that thought fade into the background.
Instead, try to non-judgmentally notice your thoughts and focus on the ones that might serve you and let the ones that don’t float on by.
3. Take a deep breath and stay in the present moment
When life throws big changes our way, it’s natural to get lost in endless to-do lists, and worry about all the things that could go wrong.
Our endless worries pull us out of the present moment and into a pit of stress and anxiety. But the truth is, we can only truly live in the right here and right now. Problems can arise when we excessively focus on the future or past and lose our ability to focus on the present.
Start by practicing mindfulness once a day. Be fully present and engaged, whether you're enjoying your lunch, washing dishes, or taking your furry friend for a walk. You can also explore mindfulness apps if you're tech-savvy, or unwind by spending time in nature. Another way is to focus on your breathing – you can stay in the present moment in many ways.
Learning to be present helps us see difficult moments as just that, a moment in time that will pass. A passing cloud in the grand scheme of things.
4. Reflect on what’s important to you
Life’s twists and turns can bring a chance reflect on what we want out of our lives. So, why not take this moment to ponder, what is important to me?
Identifying what we value in our lives can help us navigate with direction and intention. Pinpointing our core values can help steer us towards our goals, especially when the going gets tough. For instance, while navigating the ups and downs of divorce, there may be some things you can't change or control. However, one thing you can set your sights on is raising your little ones with kindness and attention, even as you and your partner go your separate ways.
Navigating transitions can be stressful, as they often happen beyond our control. By keeping our values front and center, we can take charge by choosing behaviors that align with what we hold dear. Our values become our trusty guide, helping us carve out the life we want.
Start by having candid conversations with a trusted person in your life (i.e. your therapist, partner, or friend) to explore and identify key values. Reflect on moments that embody your values and ask yourself: what do I want out of life?
Once you have a sense of what truly matters to you, you can start taking steps in that direction.
5. Give yourself a break
Let’s be real - change is hard for most of us and it’s easy to be tough on ourselves during hard times. Feelings of inadequacy, fear of failure and self-judgement can all creep in. On top of all that, our inner critic may be at their loudest during these moments. Practice self-compassion and give yourself grace as you go through transitions.
Boost your morale by using positive affirmations (“I am capable of doing hard things!”) or give yourself permission to feel the feels with releasing statements and say, "It's alright to be upset."
Be mindful of the thoughts you focus on – and ignore the ones that don’t make you feel your best!
Treat yourself as you would treat a friend. Imagine your loved one was in your exact situation, what words of comfort would you offer them?
Sprinkle in some self-care, even if it's just in small, bite-sized doses. This might include watching a funny video during your lunch break, stretching with some yoga, or calling a friend. Whatever it is, make sure it's something that you enjoy and that helps you to feel calm and centered.
Self-care is key, and even small acts of it can have a significant impact on your overall well-being. So, prioritize the time to care for yourself – not only do you deserve it, but it is essential.
We get it: change is hard. Whether you're hauling your life across the country, mending a broken heart, or clocking in at a new job, navigating the waters of change can be overwhelming. Here at The Centered Space, we hope to lend you a hand as you sail through life's transitions.
By Dr. Alejandra Feliz, PsyD