What is ACT, and how can it help you get unstuck?
Note: Today’s post is written by The Centered Space’s post-doctoral fellow, Alejandra Feliz, PsyD
If your palms sweat and heart races at the mere thought of chatting with a stranger or speaking in front of a crowd, you’re probably no stranger to social anxiety. Social anxiety can be a significant obstacle, especially as interacting with others is unavoidable in our daily lives. But here’s the thing - there are many techniques that can help you learn how to not let it get in the way. One effective method to cope with social anxiety and other mental health challenges is Acceptance and Commitment Therapy.
ACT is an approach to therapy that helps you learn to compassionately embrace your internal experiences (yes, even the horrible ones) while focusing on ways to build a value-oriented life. The thing is, as humans, our instincts tell us to run like the wind from anything that hurts. Many of us have searched high and low for the ultimate cure to the sorrows and pain that come with life. We might have tried drinking away our feelings, running away from anxiety, or hitting mute on our depression.
Here’s the twist, though: ACT believes our suffering comes from trying to dodge and control those uncomfortable emotions. Yep, we’re our own worst enemies. But don’t worry, it’s not on you.
It makes sense to look for solutions to the problems we encounter in the physical world. If you’re watching TV and suddenly, a snooze fest pops up, you can grab the remote and change the channel. When it comes to emotions, though, like feeling uncomfortable after an awkward comment, you can’t just hit a button and flip those emotions (…wouldn’t that be a dream come true?) Instead, we tend to loop through endless thoughts to try to work our way out of it or avoid the situation altogether. Consequently, we dig and dig, trying to get out from under struggles, unknowingly digging ourselves deeper into a hole. ACT teaches you how to put the shovel down.
At this point, you might be asking yourself, “Anxiety feels awful. Why on Earth would I ‘put the shovel down’ and give up?” Well, I’d encourage you to reflect on whether your efforts to control your inner world have truly been successful. If you’e reading this, my guess is that you haven’t quite found the solution yet. But don’t beat yourself up, it’s not for lack of trying. In fact, I’d say you’ve tried with all your might to rid yourself of the things that ail you. Maybe you’ve tried attending a yoga retreat, some calming essential oils, or even manifesting chiller vibes. Although these can all serve as excellent coping skills, those anxious feelings still lingered. Unfortunately, the anxiety didn’t go away forever, never to be felt again.
By continually trying to control those uncomfortable thoughts and emotions (like anxiety, self-doubt, or relationship woes) we expend immense amounts of our energy to do so, leaving us with little time or energy for other fulfilling aspects of life. As we’ve reviewed, ultimately, those efforts don’t work to permanently rid us of our troubles.
So… Perhaps there is some logic to this whole “drop the shovel” idea after all.
Putting the shovel down and surrendering ourselves to all the mix of feelings that come with life, even the painful ones, requires a degree of willingness, or acceptance.
If you’re willing to try something different, ACT can help you regain control of your life by helping you walk on a new path towards the life you want, while letting all the noise continue to exist in the background. ACT employs a variety of tools to help you do this, including learning to relate to your thoughts and internal experiences differently, practicing mindfulness in all facets of life, being aware and mindful of the stories we tell ourselves about who we are and discussions about valued-living and how to get there.
Whether you’re struggling with anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, or other mental health challenges, ACT can help equip you with the necessary skills to live your best life. Rather that feeling better, ACT can help you live better.
Book a free 15-minute consultation with Dr. Alejandra Feliz, PsyD